save the world
by Avengingdemigod
Summary: The 5 times Diana wanted to save the world, and the first time she decided she didn't.


_1_

 _(to end war and bring peace to mankind)_

When Diana was young, Queen Hippolyta dazzled her with bedtime stories of the ancient gods and goddesses. She grew up hearing not about fairies and princes, but of warriors, battles and the Amazons' duty to protect the world. Diana would prop her head on her hands and listen in awe, wondering what it was like to feel so powerful and capable. She noticed the tiny sparkle of pride in her mother's eyes that always accompanied these stories, and soon decided that that was what she wanted to do when she was older.

One night, Diana found her mother standing on the balcony outside her room, staring up at the night sky like she was searching for something. Diana looked up herself, identifying Orion, Cassiopeia, and the Big Dipper from her astronomy books.

"What are you looking at?" asked the young princess curiously, tugging on her mother's skirt. Diana knew it was technically past her bedtime, but there was something melancholy and soft in her mother's usually stern expression that told her she wouldn't be in trouble this time. And she'd take any chance possible to stay up late.

The queen turned and smiled at Diana. "I am waiting for the meteor shower. I've been told by Urania that it will be spectacular tonight."

As if on cue, the sky filled with brilliant, shooting drops of light. "Look, Diana," whispered Hippolyta, crouching down next to her daughter. "Isn't it beautiful? Make a wish."

"I wish to save the world, and bring peace to the hearts of men," Diana said plaintively. She felt her mother withdraw in surprise and turned. "Don't you think that's a good wish, Mother?"

"Oh, Diana, mankind does not deserve you." Her mother shook her head, smiling wistfully. "But yes, that is a _wonderful_ wish."

Pleased, the small girl turned back to watch the sky. The shooting stars appeared to fall into the ocean around Themyscira, so Diana decided she'd go swimming to look for them tomorrow. Her thoughts moved to other things, until she was feeling sleepy and turned to go back into bed, while Hippolyta remained outside for a while, just staring at the sky even after the shower ended. Diana didn't notice-and wouldn't have understood-the bittersweet sadness shining in Hippolyta's eyes, reflecting the stars' light.

 _2_

 _(who will I be if I stay?)_

For years afterward, Diana forgot that night and was consumed with training. She never gave much thought to what she was training for, until that fateful day on the beach. It was the first time she'd ever really seen violence and death; her training had always been with women who pushed but remained respectful. And never had she felt before that she was truly in danger of losing her life. _It_ must _be the work of Ares_ , she thought in the back of her mind. Otherwise, how else could she explain these strange men whose immediate desire was to kill people they'd never met before?

And when Diana heard Steve Trevor speak about the Great War: "the war to end all wars...women and children...danger.." a buzzing started in her ears. The agony in his voice sounded like a cry for help. She knew immediately what she had to do, what she was meant to do. So Diana spent days crafting arguments to convince her mother, but the queen refused to let her go. There were people in danger out there, people whose lives _she could save_...she couldn't understand her mother's reluctance. The death of her beloved aunt only amplified her need to go out in the world and seek vengeance. Besides, Antiope had whispered something to her before she left the world-'Godkiller'. Diana had seen an unshakable belief in Antiope's eyes as their light faded, and she decided it must mean that she was meant to wield the Godkiller. That meant one thing-she needed to find Ares, and destroy him.

If she were being truly honest with herself, part of the reason Diana wanted to leave the island was because she was tired of this monotony. She'd been hearing about stories of the 'real' world for years, and she wanted to take part in the action. It was her turn to go out and make a name for herself. So, determined to fulfill her destiny, Diana finally concluded she'd have to sneak away. She stole the God-Killer and Lasso of Truth, along with her armor and bracelets. Then she prepared herself to leave the only home she'd ever known, with a strange man who may as well have been an alien. But when Diana saw her mother on the beach, her resolve almost faltered.

"If you choose to leave, you may never return," Hippolyta warned, voice breaking, her face filled with pain and regret.

"Who will I be if I stay?" asked Diana. The warrior who was leaving Themyscira was who she needed to be. _This_ was who she had been molded to be, cast in the fires of Amazon training. _This_ was what she'd been prepared to do over the course of her whole life. In that strange world out there, she could avenge Antiope's death and protect innocent lives, just as her mother had done long before. Diana carried her conviction like a second armor, protecting her from her doubts and fears that weighed down her mind.

She was Diana, Princess of Themyscira, daughter of Queen Hippolyta, and she was going to save the world.

 _3_

 _(yeah, it's not for everyone)_

Etta Candy sighed in exasperation as Diana Prince complained about yet another outfit. Etta had searched for the latest styles, probably causing more damage to Captain Trevor's wallet than he'd intended. She'd thought that such an elegant lady would have been pleased with at least one of the other hundreds of outfits she'd tried on.

Diana walked out of the dressing room wearing a puzzled expression. She turned to look in the mirror. "It's hideous. Like this whole place." She shook her head. "How am I supposed to fight in this? It seems to be weighed down with iron."

"Well, you're not supposed to fight in it," replied Etta hurriedly, glancing around to make sure no one else had heard. "Besides, you know, it's not all bad here. I mean, I suppose it's not for everyone, but there is beauty." Etta didn't entirely blame Diana for the contempt she seemed to hold for the dirty gray streets of London, but she felt the need to defend it rise up in her. She sighed again, thinking of her home in the countryside. "And you don't need to fight. Women don't fight much around here. You can leave that to our soldiers."

Diana gave her a skeptical look. "Then how am I supposed to kill Ares and win the war?" Etta could tell that Diana was growing as tired as she was of the trivial task. She wondered if Diana had even been shopping before.

Etta shrugged weakly, having no answer for that question. Surely she didn't mean Ares, the mythical god of war. For the thousandth time, she wondered where on Earth the captain had gone, and how he'd found a woman like Diana Prince. "Just try this one on," she said, holding up a dark coat. "It's a bit more practical, I suppose."

Diana raised her eyebrows doubtfully, but dutifully returned to behind the door to change. "If you say so."

Later, Captain Trevor returned. "Where is she?" he asked. Etta pointed to the dressing room. "Trying on outfit 226," she said wearily.

"I suppose this is alright," Diana said when she came out. She didn't seem to notice Steve's expression and the way he gulped and stuttered, although Etta certainly did. The secretary hid a smile and filed that thought away for later inspection. "This is lighter and more comfortable than the others, at least. Now, are we going to save the world?"

 _4_

 _(no, but it's what I'm going to do)_

She heard Steve shout her name, but she didn't care. Diana was tired of waiting to do something about all the destruction and fear she saw around her. She had come here to protect these people, not walk past and pretend to be blind to the wailing babies and soldiers with their lost limbs. Despite how Steve kept repeating that the land above was No Man's Land, that no one had been able to take it, the warrior in her decided she'd rather risk injury than continue to let herself be imprisoned in the tunnels.

 _This may be No-Man's land_ , Diana thought. _But_ _I am no man. And this is what I came to do_.

With the thought steeling her resolve, she shed her heavy cloak and brought out her shield and sword. She climbed up the rungs of the ladder, bracing herself against the almost immediate impact of bullets firing at her shield. If she'd turned around, she would have seen the shocked faces of the men around, simultaneously in awe and questioning her sanity. But she didn't look back, instead focusing on pushing forward through the onslaught of deadly pellets and explosions that peppered the ground around her.

 _This is it_ , she realized. _This is how one saves the world_. Despite the grim environment, she couldn't help but feel a sense of righteousness and accomplishment buoying her up, which gave her the strength to keep advancing, until she'd made it all the way to the village. She heard the shouts of the men behind her and wondered, briefly, if her mother would be proud to see her like this, as a full blooded warrior in the heat of battle.

Her lithe body alone was a weapon honed for maximum impact: every sense sharpened, reflexes quickened, and she twisted through the air like a hurricane. With her shield and the God-Killer, she became a deadly, unstoppable force whisked along by the wind. Energy coursed through her veins, giving her a strength she hadn't realized she had. The small child in her felt like clapping with glee as she jumped to impossible heights and hefted hundreds of pounds on one shoulder. Diana had heard many times about warrior's adrenaline, but this was more than adrenaline. It was pure power. As she rose to her feet in the dust of the cathedral roof (or what was left of it), Diana felt a glow of dizzying pride. _First stop, small village. Next stop, the world._

Later, as she swayed with Steve Trevor, feeling giddy with victory, Diana realized the good in this world. Yes, the terrors of war were ugly, but there was beauty here, too, in the magic of the pure white snowfall and the relieved smiles of the people around them. A world where ice cream and babies existed was proof of possibility and good. When Steve talked about a peaceful life, she could hear the longing in his voice and suddenly wanted nothing more than to give that to him. It was the first time Diana realized the full extent of what good she could do in the world, the first time she thought that maybe her mother had been wrong. Maybe this world did deserve a hero like her.

 _5_

 _(the darkness that lives within)_

Everything came crashing down on her head when she saw the orange gas, smelled the stink of death in the same place that she'd just thought she saved. How arrogant she'd been. Diana wandered through the village, heedless of the possible danger. She bent down and touched the still face of a child whose life had ended much too soon. For a second, she wanted to break down and cry, grieve for these lives lost. But the warrior forced herself to stay strong-this battle wasn't over yet-and the emotion quickly shifted to anger. Diana lashed out at Steve, who could've helped her to prevent this tragedy. But if she was being honest, she was even angrier with herself, for not being quick and smart enough to save the village.

But a creeping realization was beginning to worm its way through her mind-that it hadn't been Ares himself who had done this. Yes, he certainly had a hand (she _had_ to believe he had orchestrated this from afar), but it had been men who had done this. There would have been a man, thoughtlessly following his orders given by another uncaring, manipulative man. A person who would have seen the orange gas spread silently through the village and know that he had caused hundreds to die.

Diana knew Ares was powerful, but she found it difficult to believe that he could blind every single soldier in this terrible, cruel war. Her anger and grief stemmed from this incomprehensible thought, that this war was being fought by men. Not by a single god of war, but mortal soldiers who saw their fellow humans dying and did nothing to stop it. That was what Steve would have done, too, if Diana had not charged across No Man's Land. And to her, who believed in saving everyone, that was a hard truth to swallow. So she shoved the idea to the very back of her mind, choosing instead to focus on General Ludendorff, who had to pay for these deaths.

Diana leapt onto her horse and flew through the forest, feeling the wind whistle through her hair. Following the smoke signals, the war horse galloped to the military camp, where Diana rose up off the horse, flipped through the air, and landed over the fence. Fury pounded through her head, calling for Ares's death, for once and for all. She was an angel on a warpath, intent on exacting revenge for the millions of innocents who'd their lives stolen, and determined to protect the millions more who teetered on the brink between life or death. Her focus narrowed down until all she could see was the path in front of her, running straight to vengeance.

 _Ares will burn,_ she promised herself and the Veld villagers as she moved and nimbly towards their final confrontation, where the fate of the world and the war hung in balance.

 _only love will truly save the world_

Fear grips Steve Trevor's face, but some other expression shines in his face through the smoke and darkness, something noble and resolute that she doesn't want to acknowledge. The last time she saw that expression of brave determination was on the beaches of Themyscira. His bright blue eyes glow with faith and hope when he looks at her. He has an absolute, unshakable certainty exuding from him like an aura of warmth, and even though she can barely hear him over the ringing in her ears, she can feel what he's saying.

"I can save the day, but you can save the world," Steve tells her, his gaze fixing on Diana like he's memorizing her face. The phrase shakes her core, settles a suddenly heavy weight on her, warning that the end is near. The end of the war, the end of...Diana shakes her head. It's too much; she needs to focus on Ares. But Steve presses something in her hands, and automatically she takes it. She doesn't understand (doesn't _want_ to understand) what he's doing, until she's lying on the ground, trapped by Ares. Diana hears the boom of the fiery explosion of the plane flying above, feels her heart clench and shatter in the same moment. A powerful swell of love and pain and grief overtakes her, until she's blind to everything but the taunting god standing in front of her. Until her control slips and the fear of letting herself go finally disappears, replaced with cold fury and crackling lightning.

As she hovers over the destruction, the new dawn arriving, Diana should feel relief, and pride, as she sees on the faces of the men around her. A sense of victory, of accomplishment. When she and the boys return to civilization, Diana sees people laughing and crying with relief, dancing and parading in the streets, kissing strangers and family. Celebrating the end of the war, thanks to her-just as she'd wished since she was small.

 _I used to want to save the world_ , Diana thinks wistfully, standing alone in a dirty street. She turns her face up to the snow, feeling the cold sting of the icy flakes like tears sliding down her cheeks. Diana gazes into the bright starry night, noticing a lone star streak across the black expanse. A gust of winter wind burns at her eyes. _Now I_ have _saved the world, and I just want this crushing burden to lift._ She glances down at a nondescript black watch on her wrist. _I wish we had more time._


End file.
